The property industry likes its euphemisms and we’ve come across some gems in our time -the kind of estate agent who talks about a ‘challenging market’ when what they really mean is a ‘sales slump’.
To them, a ‘compact property’ usually means there isn’t enough room to swing a cat and a house with ‘development potential’ is more likely to be a crumbling wreck.
Of course, someone who’s selling their home wants an estate agent who will accentuate the positive but at the Scottish Property Centre we recognise that an element of realism and honesty is required.
‘Good transport links’ shouldn’t mean ‘backing onto a motorway’ and if it’s a property that hasn’t had a lick of paint since 1925, ‘great development potential’ doesn’t really do it justice.
A property with three bedrooms and a cupboard isn’t a four-bedroom house and if you find your back is rubbing against the front-door when you’re washing the dishes, it’s not a ‘studio flat’, it’s a larder.
Then there are those who try to dress up an otherwise unremarkable property with meaningless waffle.
‘A rare opportunity to purchase this well-appointed family home, situated in a convenient location for shops and schools’ sounds great until you stop to consider that it’s really no different from any other family home on the market.
And you still know nothing about its size, layout, number of rooms, parking facilities or any other characteristic that might make you want to buy it.
I read recently about an estate agent who described a double driveway as a ‘multi-vehicular block-paviour driveway parking facility’. IT’S A DRIVEWAY.
Here are some other examples of estate agency jargon and what they really mean.
MUCH POTENTIAL Steer clear unless you have a lot of money!
UNIQUE CITY HOME Used to be a warehouse
ONE-OF-A-KIND Ugly as sin
UPPER BRACKET If you have to ask…
YOU’LL LOVE IT No you won’t
MUST SEE TO BELIEVE An absolutely accurate statement
COZY Very Small
WALK TO SHOPS Nowhere to park your car
BRIGHT AND SUNNY Curtains not included
SPRAWLING RANCH Floor plan sucks
SECLUDED SETTING Just try and find it
EXECUTIVE NEIGHBORHOOD Taxes are really high
UNAFFECTED CHARM Needs redecorating
STARTER HOME Run Down
NATURAL SETTING Deer will eat your plants and bushes
PARK-LIKE SETTING There’s a tree in the yard
AND MUCH, MUCH MORE Can’t think of anything more to say
For a better standard of property description call your local Scottish property Centre branch or visit www.scottishpropertycentre.net