Don’t fall for estate agency patter…at Scottish Property Centre we tell it like it is

04/03/2019 16:03:19

The property industry likes its euphemisms and we’ve come across some gems in our time -the kind of estate agent who talks about a ‘challenging market’ when what they really mean is a ‘sales slump’.

To them, a ‘compact property’ usually means there isn’t enough room to swing a cat and a house with ‘development potential’ is more likely to be a crumbling wreck.

Of course, someone who’s selling their home wants an estate agent who will accentuate the positive but at the Scottish Property Centre we recognise that an element of realism and honesty is required.

‘Good transport links’ shouldn’t mean ‘backing onto a motorway’ and if it’s a property that hasn’t had a lick of paint since 1925, ‘great development potential’ doesn’t really do it justice.

A property with three bedrooms and a cupboard isn’t a four-bedroom house and if you find your back is rubbing against the front-door when you’re washing the dishes, it’s not a ‘studio flat’, it’s a larder.

Then there are those who try to dress up an otherwise unremarkable property with meaningless waffle.

‘A rare opportunity to purchase this well-appointed family home, situated in a convenient location for shops and schools’ sounds great until you stop to consider that it’s really no different from any other family home on the market.

And you still know nothing about its size, layout, number of rooms, parking facilities or any other characteristic that might make you want to buy it.

I read recently about an estate agent who described a double driveway as a ‘multi-vehicular block-paviour driveway parking facility’. IT’S A DRIVEWAY.

Here are some other examples of estate agency jargon and what they really mean.  

MUCH POTENTIAL                                        Steer clear unless you have a lot of money!
UNIQUE CITY HOME                                     Used to be a warehouse
ONE-OF-A-KIND                                             Ugly as sin
UPPER BRACKET                                           If you have to ask…
YOU’LL LOVE IT                                            No you won’t
MUST SEE TO BELIEVE                                An absolutely accurate statement
SPACIOUS                                                        Average
CHARMING                                                      Small
COZY                                                                 Very Small
WALK TO SHOPS                                            Nowhere to park your car
BRIGHT AND SUNNY                                     Curtains not included
SPRAWLING RANCH                                      Floor plan sucks
SECLUDED SETTING                                      Just try and find it
EXECUTIVE NEIGHBORHOOD                     Taxes are really high
UNAFFECTED CHARM                                   Needs redecorating
STARTER HOME                                             Run Down
NATURAL SETTING                                        Deer will eat your plants and bushes
PARK-LIKE SETTING                                      There’s a tree in the yard
AND MUCH, MUCH MORE                            Can’t think of anything more to say

For a better standard of property description call your local Scottish property Centre branch or visit www.scottishpropertycentre.net

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